In relationships, there’s a constant dance between craving closeness and fearing rejection. It’s wanting to be loved fiercely yet being terrified of being left behind. This fear can lead to behaviours that seem impulsive or erratic, driven by a desperate attempt to avoid abandonment.

At its core, BPD often stems from deep emotional wounds, perhaps from past experiences of neglect or trauma. These wounds shape how one sees themselves, often leading to an ever-shifting sense of identity. It’s like trying to grasp onto a sense of self that feels like it’s constantly slipping away.

But amidst these struggles lies immense strength and resilience. Those with BPD often possess a heightened sensitivity and empathy, capable of profound understanding and connection with others. With the right support and understanding, they can navigate the stormy seas of their emotions and find moments of calm and clarity.

BPD is usually diagnosed in around 2% to 6% of the population, with some estimates saying it could be higher.  Although a diagnosis of BPD requires having at least five out of nine specific symptoms, around 25% of people have at least one or two symptoms of BPD. These symptoms include:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment: Imagine a person desperately clinging to relationships, fearing that any sign of distance or rejection could shatter their fragile sense of security and belonging.
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation: Picture a rollercoaster ride in relationships, where one moment someone is placed on a pedestal as a saviour, and the next, they’re seen as a villain, reflecting the tumultuous nature of these connections.
3. Identity disturbance: Think of a puzzle with pieces constantly shifting, leaving a sense of self in constant flux. Individuals may struggle to define who they are, leading to confusion and a constant search for identity.
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating): Imagine impulses as urgent whispers demanding immediate attention, leading to actions that provide temporary relief but often result in long-term consequences and regret.
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour: Picture someone fighting against invisible demons within, with self-harm serving as both a coping mechanism and a cry for help in the face of overwhelming emotional pain.
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood: Envision emotions as vivid colours painted on a canvas, shifting rapidly and unpredictably, causing distress and making it difficult to regulate feelings.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness: Picture standing in a vast desert, feeling a profound sense of hollowness and longing for fulfilment, despite external connections and achievements.
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger: Imagine anger as a protective shield, forged from past wounds and fears of abandonment, erupting unexpectedly and disproportionately in response to perceived threats to emotional well-being.
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms: Think of moments when reality feels like it’s slipping away, with feelings of disconnection from oneself or the world, or fleeting paranoia in times of stress, further complicating the already turbulent inner landscape.

Although there is often a lot of stigma and misunderstanding about BPD, understanding these symptoms with compassion can help foster empathy and support for those grappling with its challenges. The good news is that people with BPD do get better and recover. BPD is the only personality disorder where symptoms tend to diminish as a person gets older. Even better, with the right treatment recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder is not just possible, it’s achievable. Recovery is possible with the right support and resources, particularly through Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT).

DBT offers a compassionate and effective path towards healing, empowering individuals to develop new skills for managing intense emotions, navigating relationships, and cultivating a sense of self-worth. Through DBT, individuals with BPD can learn to embrace their emotions without being overwhelmed by them, build healthier relationships based on understanding and communication, and ultimately find a renewed sense of hope and purpose in their lives. Recovery is not always linear, but with commitment, patience, and the guidance of DBT, it is absolutely within reach. You can find out more on the ABOUT DBT & RO-DBT webpage.